His Jar of Hearts (A Broken Fairy Tale #3) Page 5
“Joseph Edward McMillian, you listen to me and listen to me good,” she scolded me. “I have watched you act the fool for years now and kept my mouth shut, but now that you’re asking, I’m going to tell you straight.” Helen’s tone put a smile on my face. For some odd reason, when she scolds me this way, it makes me feel loved. My parents never do anything but shower me with gifts and compliments when we’re together to make up for their absence and ignore my behavior, as if it’s a normal way to live. They’ve watched as I skipped around with a different woman every time they see me as if I haven’t a care in the world and have never said a word about it.
“Yes, ma’am, let me have it.” I saluted to Helen, making her stern face turn even more serious.
She sat back in her chair and eyed me suspiciously. “Listen, Joey, you know I love you like a son. But if you want me to be honest with you, Kat was right. You are a womanizer. That’s the only man I’ve ever known you to be, and that’s sure as hell the only man Kat’s known you to be. So before you even think about going over there, guns a-blazing, professing your love to her, you better be sure without a shadow of a doubt you mean it. You have a lot of work ahead of you to prove to her you can be the man she deserves—a man who will take care of her, for better or worse, for the rest of her life. I have no doubt that under that overactive libido and insecure, broken soul, that you are that man. And nothing would make me happier than to see you with a woman like Kat Pierce.”
My ego took a few lashes from Helen’s honesty, but I know she’s right. I need to prove to Kat that I can be different. Last night I was weak, and instead of going to Kat, I looked for someone else to cloud my feelings for her. Instead of doing what I should have and shown Kat I can be the man she deserves, I only reminded her of the man I’ve been and not the man I want to be. The man she makes me want to be.
When Dave died, it made me realize how quickly everything can be taken away. Dave had so much happiness in his life, so much to live for. Me? I have my friends, my job, but no one to truly share it with. It was that day, with my best friend dying in my arms, that I made the decision to take my life on a different path, a path that would lead me to happiness like he had. It took my actions last night to make me realize that the path I was looking for would lead me directly to Kat.
When Gage and Jess got engaged, I had already stopped sleeping around. I’ve always loved nothing more after a week at the station to come home to some hot chick waiting for me and bury myself inside her to feel a different kind of warmth than that of a fire. Sex has always been a way for me to feel a connection with someone, without the confines of a relationship that have seemed stifling until now. Love has never been something I do well; it’s not ever been something I wanted to feel. But more and more, I can’t help but feel it creeping through me when I’m with Kat.
I haven’t been ready to admit why I wasn’t into having sex just to have sex anymore. I kept convincing myself that I was just taking a break from promiscuity because of my decision to turn my life around after the loss of Dave. He was the closest thing I had to a brother, and losing him the way I did has left a part of me empty and dead. But deep down, I’ve always known another reason for my celibacy was because of Kat. Sitting with her in my arms, taking in the warm vanilla scent that always envelopes her, I have no doubt that she’s the reason for most things I do lately.
When the show ends, I realize I’ve barely watched any of it and hope that she doesn’t want to talk about the episode as usual. She doesn’t move away from me when the credits for the next show begin, and I take the opportunity to run my hand up and down her back. I want nothing more than to feel every curve of her body. Her light shirt is the only barrier between my hand and her skin, and I can’t think of anything but getting it off her and ripping it to shreds. This shirt is now my worst enemy and I silently think of ways to destroy it as a way to calm my growing excitement. Kat tightens her grasp around my waist with each stroke of my hand. I adjust myself so she doesn’t realize the effect she’s having on me. I can feel the rough intake of her breath when my touch becomes more intense. It takes every bit of self-control not to take her in my arms and kiss her with everything I have. Instead, I think of what Helen told me and decide to take things slow.
“Can I ask you something?” My voice is almost a whisper again.
Kat sits up and looks at me with concern, clearly noticing the serious tone of my voice. “Of course. You can always ask me anything.”
“Will you go out with me tomorrow night?” I silently curse myself for feeling so nervous about her answer. I’m never nervous to ask a woman out, and the way I’m feeling as I watch the questioning look on her face only reinforces that Kat really is who I want. I’ve never wanted someone to say yes about anything this much before.
“I guess. What event do you have to go to that you need a date? What, did all your other options turn you down?” she says in a playful way, completely unaware of the way it cuts at me. I realize just how hard I’m going to have to work to prove to her I can be the man she deserves.
I take her face in my hands and hope she sees the sincerity in my eyes. “I want to make this clear. I want to take you on a date. Just you and me. We can go out to dinner or stay in. I just want to spend some time getting to know each other better. I want to get to know you as someone other than my friend.” Kat’s brows furrow and I worry that I’ve already said too much. I brush my thumb across her lips, wishing it was my mouth, and try to settle the conflict I see in her eyes. “I know you’re confused about Kevin right now. But I’m asking you to give me a chance, Kat. Give me a chance to show you the man I want to be. The man you make me want to be before you decide to go back to him.”
I can see that what I just said has only made things worse when Kat sits up and moves out of my grasp and pulls her legs up to her chest, completely blocking herself off from me. She’s so much like Jess in so many ways—tough and sassy at times, but shy and sensitive at others—and I hope this is one of the times she’s shy and sensitive and not pissed at my timing.
Just when I’m about to backpedal, becoming big time worried I’ve just ruined everything between us, Kat’s quiet voice stops me. “You want to take me out? On a date? I’m sorry if I’m speechless—it’s just quite honestly unexpected, Joey. You don’t have to do this just to keep me away from Kevin. I told you, I haven’t made my decision yet.”
I take her hand in mine and lace my fingers through hers. Every nerve lights on fire when she lets her fingers fall together with mine. “I’m doing this because I’ve spent enough time ignoring what my heart has been screaming to me all this time and I want to see if we…” I pull her up to me so that I can wrap her in my arms and look directly into her hypnotizing green eyes. “I want to see if you and I can work. If that feeling I’ve had for far too long is real or if it’s because you’re the one thing I’ve always wanted but could never have.”
Her eyes remain locked on mine. “I don’t know, Joey. I’m afraid if we cross that line, things with us will never be the same again. I don’t want to ruin what we have. I don’t want to be a test.”
I press my forehead against hers as I realize how much more I want with her now that I’m saying the words out loud. “What do we actually have, Kat? If you can look me in the eyes and tell me that you haven’t wondered if we’ve been denying ourselves the chance for something pretty fucking awesome, then I’ll go home and never bring it up again.” I pull back and hope she can see my sincerity as I spill my guts like I never thought possible. “But if you think there’s even a possibility of something amazing between us, then give me a chance and go out with me.
“One date.
“Tomorrow night.”
I allow myself a weak moment and kiss her nose, unable to resist the feeling of her on my lips any longer. Although I promised Helen I wouldn’t rush anything physical with Kat, right now I can think of nothing more than her naked body below me. Just the thought makes me realize how right Helen is ab
out taking things slow, because if that moment ever happens, I don’t know if I’d ever be able to let her go.
Kat smiles up at me as if I’ve just discovered her deepest secrets and I internally do a backflip. Maybe she’s willing to give us a try. She puts her small hands on my face and giggles; I relax with relief. “If I agree to go out with you tomorrow. On a date, I have one condition.” She smiles and pats my cheeks before she sits back against the cushions and crosses her arms, much more at ease with this proposition than I imagined she’d be.
Kat’s absolutely irresistible when she treats me this way and this is one of the many reasons I will do anything she asks of me. “Alright, shoot.”
“No trying anything slutty with me if I say yes to the date. Even though we know virtually everything about each other, and have made out before, I’m not sleeping with you. I’m not going to be one of those girls who are in your life one day and out the next. We are in each other’s lives for good and we can’t mess things up. No matter how things go, we still have to see each other. A lot. If I say yes, it’s to one date and one date only. Promise me we’ll take things one date at a time.”
“So a sleepover tonight is out then I take it?” I ask playfully, trying to calm the nervous look that just crossed her face.
“You’re such an ass.” Kat slapped my leg.
I laugh and take her hand in mine again. “So you’re done with that asshat Kevin and giving me a chance, right?”
“Joey, honestly, I’m still trying to figure things out with Kevin. Someone who I’ve spent my entire adult life with. I don’t know if or how long it will be until I’ll be able to completely move on from him. But yes, I’m trying to move on from Kevin.”
Just the sound of his name grates at me like a saw slowly edging its way through my veins. I push my jealousy aside, having faith that if I can show Kat the man she makes me want to be, Kevin won’t stand a chance. He’s hurt her in ways I never would.
“Alright, well, that’s a risk I’m willing to take. If you aren’t back together with him, then give us a chance, Kat. Say yes.”
She lowers her eyes and for a moment I think she’s going to say no. But when she looks up at me with those glistening green eyes I love so much, I know I’m about to hurdle the first barrier keeping us apart: my willingness to accept my feelings for Kat.
“Pick me up at six, and I can’t be out late. I have an early meeting before school Tuesday, and I need to be well rested for it.”
I love that she tries to hide her excitement and gets back to the confident Kat that I love, but when the skin around her neck becomes speckled with red, revealing the way her heart must be racing, I know just how excited she is. I resist the urge to kiss every spot on her neck and instead kiss her forehead before I stand from the couch to make my way to the door. If I don’t leave now, I’m going to break the one and only promise she asked of me if she agreed to go out with me. I need to move slowly. I’ll be taking the first step to prove to her that I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work. I want to do anything it takes to make this work and I surprise myself with the certainty of my thoughts. I can feel Dave shine down on me right now as if all of my doubts about finding love all these years was for this reason.
To get me to this place.
Right now.
With this girl.
“Wear something casual, but sexy.” I wink at her; I know I can be myself and joke around her. She knows all the ugly about me. Now all I have to show her is the good. It’s a little dusty, but it’s there.
Kat grabs one of the pillows next to her and chucks it across the room at me. “Just go before you make me change my mind.” The smile on her face is like nothing I’ve seen before and I decide right then and there that it will be my life’s goal to see that smile every day for the rest of my life.
Kat
“Always in My Head”
It’s only noon and today is officially the longest…
Day…
Ever!
Why, oh why, am I letting Joey McMillan get in my head this way? It’s extremely annoying to my ego. I’ve spent the better part of my adult life trying to convince everyone that I didn’t have feelings for Joey, even myself, and now, here I am, sweaty palms and all, terrified to admit to Cam and Jess that I’m going on an actual, real date with Joey tonight.
The girls and I are having lunch together because I have the day off and I’ll have no choice but to just tell them outright what my plans are for tonight. I’m sure it will only be a matter of time before Joey says something to Holden and Gage. If the girls find out from their husbands that I’m going on a date with Joey and not me, there will be hell to pay. Those two have been pressuring me to date someone other than Kevin for what seems like forever, and when they find out that I not only have a date tonight, but with Joey, they might explode.
I almost wish I was teaching today because then I would be so busy that I wouldn’t have all of this time to analyze every word Joey said to me last night. This whole situation has quite honestly made me more confused than ever. I’m not going to sit here and try to tell myself I’m not excited to go out with Joey.
I am.
I guess that’s why I’m so confused. I’ve always known that I care for Joey, and I’ve always been attracted to him, but until last night, I never ever allowed myself to truthfully imagine what a future with him would look like. We’ve kissed a handful of times, but that’s always been after several cocktails, with no commitments. I’ve always had Kevin, and he’s always had other girls in and out of his life. I’ve never wanted to be one of them. But now that I’m allowing myself to be one, I’m regretting saying yes last night. How can I expect to be the one person who can take the “bad boy” out of him? Life isn’t a romance novel. If my relationship with Kevin has taught me anything, it’s that there are some things that will never change. How can I expect someone like Joey, who’s spent his entire life living one way, to change it just to be with me?
My biggest worry is that by crossing the line from friendship to the possibility of something more could cause our friendship to splinter once everything goes wrong. I don’t want to be Joey’s midlife crisis. I don’t want him to be asking me out because it’s easy and comfortable. I also want to make sure I didn’t say yes for the same reasons I fear he’s asked me.
I was half expecting Joey to show up at my doorstep this morning because we are both off. We usually go on a run together on our days off, and was a little disappointed not to see him. The group of us love to run together when we can, but Cam and Jess run at ridiculously early hours in the morning, so Joey and I have taken to letting them go ahead, preferring to sleep in when we can. This morning there’s been no sign of him at his house, and I wonder whether he was called into the station. His motorcycle has been gone since I woke up—not that I was stalking him or anything—but I can’t help but wonder where he went off to so early in the morning. It can’t be good dating someone who lives on the same street, being able to know each other’s every move. It seemed to work for Cam and Holden and Jess and Dave for all those years, but none of them have personal boundaries with each other, dating or not, and I’m still getting used to their comfort level with one another since I’ve moved back to town. I like my privacy.
As if they heard my thoughts, the lock on my door turns and in comes Jess and Cam. “I’m going to have to get your key back,” I call over my shoulder while I set out the spinach salad I made for the three of us.
“Shut your trap, Kat. How else do you expect us to break in while you’re at work and borrow your clothes?” Jess says lightheartedly back as she and Cam walk down the hallway towards me.
“Come on, Jess. Cut her some slack. You know how much Kat likes her privacy. We should at least try to pretend to respect that.” Cam winks at me before she sits down next to Jess at the table, who’s already pouring herself some lemonade.
“I’m never giving you back that key, you know.” Jess smiles up at me, and I can do no
thing but laugh and smile back.
Jess is the closest thing to a sister I have. When we were younger, my parents would bring us down to the shore every weekend of the summer to stay with Jess and her parents, and when they died the summer before Jess’s senior year of high school and my freshman year, she proved to me just how deep her loyalty to family is. Even though Jess was reeling in the death of her parents, and was depressed that Dave was away at college, unable to comfort her, she always thought of me and how I was dealing with being in a new school, having to make new friends. She felt bad that her loss meant that my life had to be turned upside down too. Back then, Jess and Cam took me and my new friends everywhere and helped me fit in. She did everything she could to make my transition a good one. Once she went to NYU with Cam, and I moved back to Cherry Hill to go back to school with Kevin, she made sure we still got together every month to catch up. She would give me advice in school, friends, and about Kevin, although it was usually to dump him. I always thought Jess was too hard on Kevin. She always told me I deserved better.
I remember when she first found out he cheated on me. She had said that sometimes men mess up, and that she would always say to give a man a second chance, but not Kevin. She’s always said there was something about him that she didn’t trust, and that he was the type who will break my heart over and over again. It’s just Kevin stole my heart a long time ago and I’ve never gotten it back.
I had always thought the men in Jess’s life were not the norm. Dave, Holden, Joey—they have always been the most loyal, thoughtful men I’d ever met and at times it was easy to pretend that they weren’t real at all. They seemed more like men from one of the romance novels I love to read rather than the real deal. Jess and Cam always came first for the guys, even when they were kids. When I arrived in town, they took me in as one of their own, had my back just as fiercely as with Jess and Cam. As much as a part of me has wondered whether Joey would ever notice me as more than a friend like Holden and Dave did with Cam and Jess, I never thought it would actually happen. Nor have I really wanted it to. As much as Joey has shown his loyalty and love for our group, I’ve never seen him in love, and didn’t think he could be my happily ever after. I don’t even think he knows how to even be in a long-term relationship that’s not platonic.